Bisexual Aunts, Gay Cousins: How LGBTQ Family Members Help LGBTQ Youth Navigate Family Heteronormativity

By Amy L. Stone

Something unique to being lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer (LGBTQ) is a concern that your family will reject you for gender or sexual identity. For LGBTQ youth, having family members reject them can lead to mental health problems, issues finishing high school, and homelessness. Many scholars have written about how the family encourages and rewards family members to be heterosexual and gender conforming, which often involves punishing family members for being LGBTQ. Conversely, having supportive family members benefits LGBTQ youth, providing positive mental health and self-esteem.

In this study, we interviewed 26 LGBTQ youth in South Texas about their experiences with their family members. These youth were between the ages of 16 and 21 years old.  Many of these youth identified as transgender or non-binary. About half the youth identified as Latinx, Latino, or Hispanic. All youth were interviewed in June or July of 2020.

We were particularly interested in the experiences of LGBTQ youth who have supportive family member who are also LGBTQ. We found that the youth in this study had many family members that they suspected or knew were lesbian, gay, or bisexual. Latinx youth interviewees were particularly likely to have lesbian, gay, or bisexual relatives. Youth interviewees often tried to figure out who in their family might be LGBTQ, with a lot of speculation over bisexuality within the family. These youth often used clues about their relatives to figure out if they were LGBTQ. Jon, a 21-year-old White bisexual genderfluid man, said a family member once hinted to him that his uncle is gay, but he could not remember if it was true. “But you know, he is 50 or whatever and unmarried and he has an earring,” explained Jon. It was common for youth to suspect that aunts, sisters, or mothers were bisexual. Many of these lesbian, gay, or bisexual family members were extended family members. Youth interviewees also had gay grandfathers, lesbian nieces, and many gay cousins.

Only one youth, Martin, a 18-year-old White gay queer transgender man, mentioned a transgender or nonbinary relative. He did not know about his trans aunt until he came out. “Of course, I immediately messaged her,” Martin explained. “And I was like ‘this is awesome. I’m not the only one. Like someone with the same DNA as me is also trans.’” For Martin, it was deeply meaningful that a family member who was biologically related to him was also trans identified. However, he was not made aware of his aunt until after he came out, denying him the experience of having a trans role model in the family as he was figuring out his gender identity.

Why were these lesbian, gay, and bisexual relatives so important? We believe that having these relatives helped LGBTQ youth figure out how to navigate expectations in their family about heterosexuality and the what was appropriate to communicate with the family, including some unspoken communication norms. LGBTQ youth were able to see other relatives disclosing their sexuality to the family and could see the reactions of their parents to that disclosure. For some Latinx youth, seeing relatives who did not disclose their sexuality to family also told them about the right way to let family members know about their sexuality. These lesbian, gay, and bisexual relatives were also supportive of the youth in their family, providing them with relationship advice, trips to Pride events, and role models. 

Article Details
Bisexual Aunts, Gay Cousins: How LGBTQ Family Members Help LGBTQ Youth Navigate Family Heteronormativity
Amy L. Stone , Chiara Pride, Benjamin Adams, and Robert Salcido, Jr.
First Published August 4, 2022
DOI: 10.1177/23780231221117145
Socius: Sociological Research for a Dynamic World

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