Sexual Consent and Ambiguity: Bedroom Sensitivity Beyond Romantic Fantasies
By Simon Magnusson and Melisa Stevanovic
Sexual consent is a crucial topic that has gained increasing attention in recent years and has brought the importance of ethical consent practices to the forefront of our cultural conversation. But do we truly understand what sexual consent means and how to achieve it? The core of affirmative consent is to make sure that all parties are on the same page before and during any kind of sexual activity, yet it can be challenging to navigate the nuances of consent. Some may even argue that it's a hopeless endeavor.
To gain a deeper understanding of how ambiguities in the initiation of sexual activities are routinely solved in order to achieve consent, we decided to dive into the topic. We used data from contemporary TV series and movies to analyze the interactional practices by which sexual activities are presented as consensual and how consent is achieved across sequences of interaction.
First off, we found that there are some advantages to using body language as a way of establishing consent, compared to spoken utterances. For example, if you and a partner approach each other at the very same moment and start to undress at the same time, that's a pretty clear sign that you're both on board with having sex. Such fluid dances where no one is leading circumvent any social vulnerabilities of imposition and rejection. These wordless practices seem like an ideal way of initiating sex. Furthermore, synchronous initiations are much romanticized in TV, where beautiful music is often used to accompany the high levels of sexual arousal, passion, and intensity in the moment.
In addition, spoken utterances seem to work poorly as sexual initiations. Spoken utterances, like asking "Is it okay if I kiss you?", are often associated with some awkwardness – especially if the two participants are not yet physically very close to each other (which would be an interactional achievement in itself). If the other person doesn't respond positively or doesn’t do so right away, there are typically severe social consequences. Thus, based on the superiority of body language and inferiority of spoken utterances as a way of initiating sex, is it then to be inferred that no spoken utterances can, or need to, be used to achieve consent?
We found that there is indeed much room for bedroom sensitivity between these two extremes. Two specific ways of combining both verbal and nonverbal cues together seem to work quite effectively to establish consent. The first involves slow probing. For example, you might start talking ambiguously while slowly ramping up physical contact. The second is about trusting first. This involves one person making first a small physical move and right thereafter verbally asking for consent.
It's also important to recognize that consent isn't a one-time thing. It's not just about getting a yes at the start of an encounter, it's about checking in and making sure that both parties are still comfortable and willing throughout the encounter. The practice of trusting first seems to work here particularly well. When two persons are already making out one of them can, for instance, touch the other person's breasts or crotch, ask for consent, and then make a further move towards sex – again in trust of a later approval. Trusting first involves taking a small leap of faith and assuming that the other person is also interested and willing to engage in sexual activity, but the immediate retrospective checking is important and should not be forgotten about. This seems to be applicable when overarching consent is already established. Making the very first move (merely) on trust involves a genuine risk of sexual imposition.
Sexual consent is a crucial and nuanced topic that can't be reduced to a simple yes or no. It involves understanding the complexities of human desire and the ambiguities of social interaction. Our research shows that while ambiguities may exist, there are culturally recognizable ways to create positive and consensual experiences for all parties. These may not be just as romantic as the synchronized sex initiations that we commonly see on TV. But they do not need to be awkward either. Gaining a deeper understanding of these more moderate and sober practices of routinely achieving sexual consent can work towards preventing sexual violence and promote more ethical interpersonal conduct.
Article Details
Sexual consent as an interactional achievement: Overcoming ambiguities and social vulnerabilities in the initiations of sexual activities
Simon Magnusson and Melisa Stevanovic
First published online August 17, 2022
DOI: 10.1177/14614456221119101
Discourse Studies
About the Authors
